I am just nipping back to edit - I realise that I haven't updated this since FORTYTUDE and really I must commit the antics of my friends and I to this blog, just for the sheer shame/ amusement factor if nothing else.. this I shall do dear readers, once I have filled in a few more blanks from the event, which incidentally started at 2pm at my house...

It is sale time again - YUK! Horrid time for actually braving the shops, and lethal time to hit the online shopping emporiums... I have tried to stay away from Malene Birger, Whistles and Ted Baker (to name a few) but the discounts are soooo tempting. Still hankering after the Plumo Biba scarf but TBH it is only actually reduced by £5 once you add the P&P so I should really have bought it with the discount code they sent me ages ago... Anyway the only things that I would really love are a fabulous quality black tee and a pair of black ankle boots - flat ones - neither of these things appear to exist, well not exactly what I am after (well I did find a stunning tee but all sold out @ BMB). Loads of 'stuff' I would like but so far so good, I have been a good girl.

Furious with H&M who seem to have sent my most recent order to a random address and it is lost! Not that I think I will ever get chance to wear the white shorts that I ordered at the end of MAY but still - so far their customer service is proving next to useless. Will have to pick up the phone I think..

After a fun filled weekend supporting our village at the scarecrow fair on Saturday and a fabulous curry supper at friends' house yesterday it is sadly back to Monday again.. Great news though, the school's entry of William Shakespere won first prize and we are thrilled, and very proud of Mrs Wilson's efforts.

This week is so busy, I am off to Gloucester and Heathrow (sadly just for a meeting, not jetting off..) tomorrow and Wednesday - hopefully meeting up with the gorgeous Miss Birley tomorrow pm - I am chairing my first Safeguarding meeting Wednesday night at the school, Thursday it is Teya's class assembly (she is a dancer!) and Friday I am meeting up with old friend Simon to discuss my new plan for business expansion.. Talking of which I MUST get my ass in to gear and actually do my website, at the moment http://www.kknconsulting.co.uk/ looks shocking!

Then it is rev up for a whole day and night's partying at FORTYTUDE.. need to sort hairstyle and book taxi (note to self)

This weather is quite frankly, depressing. I am trying to remain positive and summery but I have reverted to my cardigan and scarf teamed with ballet pumps as a nod to the season - gah, either chuck it down or brighten up - I cannot be doing with this!

It is our Village Scarecrow Festival on Saturday - an event that gets better every year and we are really looking forward to it! We are not doing one but shall be supporting everyone who enters and I am really looking forward to seeing everyone's efforts. The theme is famous Katherine and Williams so it should be fun. Jo W is doing the school's entry - and we still don't know what it will be. The Pimms tent is always a hit too, so roll on Saturday and lets hope Mr Sunshine appears just in time.

I am 32! I had an interesting birthday weekend, some parts amazing and some not so fun, but I am a year older and maybe wiser, so hey.. I got an Alex Munroe necklace and a pair of Tom Ford sunnies from my darling husband and the kids which knocked me for six, I was very chuffed. My lovely friends gave me some super gifts too, I got a clarins lip gloss, a beautiful contemporary decanter, some tops, a Bruno Mars CD (from J&J to remind us of our holiday!) and some lovely bottles of wine too - I am a very lucky lady.

It was Josh's Baptism on Sunday and despite the downpour it was a wonderful day. I wore a chiffon warehouse black dress and pink heels (which I swapped for silver flats as soon as I could!) and I carried my stunning Marc Jacobs cream clutch that I got for my Sister's wedding, the kids and Kev all looked stunning in their smart outfits too and I was very proud of my little lot that day. The Woollett's put on a great do and all the kids were so well behaved, was fab, and I felt very humbled.

Happy June everyone! The sun is shining and it is 3 days until I am 32... for now I am just cracking on with finishing all the work that I have to do before my weekend starts at 5pm tomorrow, yippeee! Currently doing a basket dance with a pair of Tory Birch pumps that I have been lusting after for AGES (see entry in March blog I think?!) as a pressie to me - I have no idea what my hubs has got me, he hasn't even asked what I would like this year, and is being very mysterious as to what he has got...

I was planning to start the 17 day diet today (as seen in the Sunday Times style mag this Sunday) but I rather feel it futile seeing as there is a weekend of excess looming.. all the weight I lost for hols is starting to creep back- ironically since I returned from Florida, so it is time to be good again. Last week I ran 3 times though and have done once this week so the exercise is no biggie, its the food and wine in abundance that get me, ah well.

My 40's style Antik Batik dress arrived from Ebay, super purchase for £10! It was a vile bright orange but my darling mum has dyed it bitter chocolate and it looks great now, just need to hit primark for a tonne of pearls and dig out the seambacked stockings (god knows when they last had an outing) and I will be all set to party at FORTYTUDE on the 18th June in celebration of C&I's 40th birthdays..

My latest furniture project, not too demanding this one, but new sideboard for my kitchen, the space where the old wine fridge was - I am going to replace the handles with stainess steel versions but I can live with them for now! I am really pleased with it (excuse the TV wire!) top one is before.. below after - cleaned, sanded, top primed and painted in Farrow and Ball's All White

No word on my neighbour.. haven't seen his wife either so can only assume that she is spending a lot of her time with him at the hospital, I do hope he is on the mend and home soon.

Just wanted to big up this facial tanner from Chanel, Soleil Identite - this is my third summer of using this stuff and I love it! Gives you a very natural glow, doesn't have a whiff about it and it lasts me all summer long. Highly recommend it

I am not really the praying kind - not wholly sure why, I have never been hugely religious (despite my stint as a chapel prefect at my good private CofE boarding school, the only time readers that I would ever bear prefect after my name, and really it was only because there were a limited number of us and I think it gave way to the smoking/drinking guilt that I didn't harbour in sixth form - anyhow, I digress) but never opposed either, I hope for a greater good and I want to bring my kids up with 'faith' but I am sorry to say that I am not entirely sure what that means. I do love going to the services now (maybe smugface that I know all the words to hymns due to my ridiculous talent that is retaining lyrics to any song I hear from Rutter to Lady GaGa) and am happy to bring my children up as members of the church but sometimes I feel, quite frankly, lost in it all.

What I do know is that it is late and I am pondering. My dear next door neighbour was taken ill whilst we were in Florida and further to a number of doctor and hospital visits over the past weeks - this evening we have seen the emergency ambulance arrive outside their house. Quite honestly I feel incredibly scared about what happens next. Two of my incredibly dear friends have lost their dearly loved ones in the last 10 days and my heart breaks for them, it is just so very sad and their sense of loss must be immense, I only hope I can be a good friend when they need me, and a sympathetic shoulder.

To the lovely Bob next door, a wonderful man who always has a spring in his step and an amusing anecdote to tell - a loving husband, father and grandfather and someone who needs to remain with us for a good while yet. So, I guess I pray, or maybe I just hope, but I really want to see his bubbly self restored to our village very soon - get well Bob, lots of people are rooting for you xxx

Fascinating program on BBC 3 - super brands, Abercrombie and Fitch is on now and a quote from a respectable member of the public states that the brand 'projects vanity and superficiality' this is absolutely right, what have they done? Half starved staff in (what are essentially) tracksuits is NOT a good look, although tragically our teens seem to lap it up and have have snapped up 20 salmon pink polo shirts quicker than one can say 'Daddy I NEED an allowance raise!'

I know I am sounding old when I say that it is not what it used to be, it was all American fun once upon a time, but now it is chavtastic clothing for those with a large student loan, and/or a trust fund and with no individual style of your own. One kid even said that they wouldn't be friends with someone who 'didn't wear the brand' ..

But, seriously, have you seen the CEO ??! Urgh and OMG ;) am so very glad that I was over the brand by 2002 !!

After 2 days away and 800 miles done in my little silver motor car, I am home and back at my desk! Phew, way too much to catch up on, but all is well. The little sister dined with Kirsten Dunst (coincidence that she was mentioned in my previous post!!) in Cannes last night and I AM STILL waiting for an update.. Little Sister is currently working down there because the film festival is on - she always goes dark during this week, way too much partying and work going on ;) but I cannot wait to hear from her.

So on my trip away I managed to visit my friend Pooja and her rapidly expanding family, it was the first time that I had met her littlest, Alisha (14 months) and OMG what a little doll she is! Akshay is a gorg boy too and the Bump is expanding at a great rate.. 3 under 4.. wow! Pooj is as fun and fabulous as ever, the time goes so quickly - as I drove away from their house at 11pm it struck me just how much I love seeing my old friends, how much I miss them and how glad I am that no matter how long it has been we can just pick up where we left off.. I feel very lucky for that.

Stayed at the Malmaison in Liverpool which was as fab as the Mal's always are - I just love them. Bargain room as I pre booked and the whole thing was fabulous.. the lie in till 845am was very very welcome too - but I did whizz on down the M6 as fast as I could after my meetings, desperate to see my minis who gave me a wonderful welcome home..

So, typically last week my new Wayfarers arrived, the week after my holiday! But I have to say that they were worth the wait (esp at the price I paid for them) and I am loving them - I feel all Kirsten Dunst in them, teamed with denim shorts and a white tee, they are fab. No squinting at the sun at all, and their chunky shape indulges my geeky side, v chuffed.

I must not buy any more sunnies though, I must not, not, not.

Basil's training has begun! Last week Mum pegged out our new arena in the field and on Thursday I took Baz in there for the first time, in his headcollar. He responded really well, despite his initial hesitance and was walking and standing to voice command immediately. He did nap in the corners between A & K on the left rein and between A & F on the right, but only a couple of times (that was because we were turning away from where Ladybird was standing) but by the end of the 20 minute session he had stopped and was doing wonderfully. He looks stunning at the moment too, all black and shiny! I must get some recent pictures of him. I am going to put him in the lunge cavasson on Thursday but continue in hand - here's to a smooth second lesson.

What a day Friday was! Loved every minute (despite being up early and making the aforementioned vol au vents before leaving the house!) it was great to spend the morning watching the main event with our friends at Janet and Matt's, champagne a plenty, followed by a super lunch then back home with Johnno in tow to enjoy a brilliant evening with Thompson royalty, and to toast our latest love story in JC and Andrea <3 shame I passed out on the sofa at midnight mind you lol

OK I am getting ridiculously excited now! Tomorrow is the Royal Wedding, and Kate Middleton finally gets to marry her Prince - woohoooo..

I am listening to Radio 1 and Fearne Cotton is in London meeting all the people who have travelled to be at the event and it sounds fantastic, what an atmosphere. I have baked my cupcakes, in their union jack cases (!) and have started on my vol au vent fillings for the 72 that I will be assembling first thing before getting frocked up and skipping down to Vapery lane with my minis in tow for Janet's English Garden Party! Cannot wait.

I do love this stunning weather (despite being inside and working presently) the only thing that gets me really hot and bothered though is the great British public's choice in attire. Do some people look in the mirror before leaving the house??!

My rules for summer dressing are as follows;

Ladies

1) Plastic bra straps are NEVER acceptable. Either wear strapless or wear a pretty bra underneath, a nice (clean!!!) bra strap is always forgiven.
2) Please shave/wax/ epilate in some way shape or form, we are not continental and straggly arm pit hair is revolting. Ditto leg hair - please remove it, oh and that includes the back of your legs please!
3) If last year's summer clothes are too small, try not to squeeze in to them.
4) Fake tan is OK, if applied properly, but do wash your hands well after lathering up.
5) Cutesy cartoon tee's are best left to those under the age of 5.
6) Step away from Crocs unless you want to say goodbye to your sex life for good.
7) If you are going to expose your toes, have a pedicure (or at very least make sure you have clean feet and toenails!)

Men

1) Only ever take off your top in the privacy of your own home, and please do not drive shirtless.
2) Use a decent deodorant
3) As per no 5 above, steer clear of cutesy tees
4)Ditto ones with inappropriate innuendo, making small talk at the school gates with a man wearing a tshirt that proclaims 'I like to be Down Under, probing through the hot bush' makes me feel rather nauseous.
5) No socks with your sandals
6) Clean feet at all time too please.

Here's to a summer of harmony!

The Bride and Groom! Winter Gardens April 14th 2011


I am black in the bloggersphere! Hello everyone, hope you have had a great couple of weeks in my absence..

Florida was fantastic! We had an incredible and memorable holiday, everything was just wonderful. My BF's wedding was a superb day, perfect weather and a stunning setting for the ceremony, and the bride looked exquisite in Jenny Packham and a grin from ear to ear! I have to admit to shedding a few tears as I saw her being led down the 'aisle' by her Dad, such an emo I am. Great celebrations lead way to Jay, Jude and I disappearing off down to Key West for some R&R after the excitement of Orlando and more notably the theme parks and restaurants (we did Magic Kingdom, Seaworld and Islands of Adventure) and the whole trip was just brilliant.

It was also rather pleasant to return to such beautiful english weather (!!) on my baby boy's 2nd Birthday! How the time has flown. Granny and Grandad came over in the evening for champagne and birthday cake (well easter cakes with 2 candles in them as I ran out of time to bake or buy) and then, following a 14 hour sleep we spent a great Easter weekend with friends and family.

Back to work and school today though, reality hits hard, it was a struggle getting everyone up and out of the door this morning..

"The best surprise EVER Mummy!!!"

Was Teya's reaction when she found out that our surprise in London was in fact going to see the Wizard of Oz at the Palladium! What a fab show - it was really wonderful, very cleverly done, fantastic set and the cast were magnificent - full of energy and a clear passion for being there. The theatre has had a makeover too and was stunning. Highly recommend it, especially if your little girls, or you, were huge fans of the BBC1 show last year - it is a real treat, oh and Teya wore her ruby slippers :)

Whilst in the smoke I did a spot of shopping on Regent St, admired lots of beautiful things in Michael Kors - but resisted! Did pick up a dress for the wedding in Zara but am yet to try it on........ here's hoping. I cannot believe that we fly out to Florida in 6 days - operation get set for holiday has started, husband currently ironing !!

OUCH!

My poor hubby took a nasty tumble off his bike whilst off roading this morning.. have a feeling that is going to be very sore tomorrow - looks painful and he managed to knock himself out at the same time poor lovely..

My patience paid off, this morning I won a gorgeous vintage Mulberry satchel bag on Ebay - I have been fantasising about it for a week and now IT IS MINE!!!! I am waiting for another bag to finish later and I will post pics when my beauties arrive (providing I win the second lol) v chuffed.

Off to the pub for kids tea with Saf and her brood later which should be lovely, the work on their house is still ongoing and she has been without a kitchen for 3 weeks now, eek!

Happy Friday all xx

Every morning it is a struggle to get Spud in to her uniform - not physically (!) but she takes forever getting dressed and will dither and whinge the whole time, whilst I yell from various parts of the house for her to hurry up! Imagine my delight when, at 7.15 this am a fully dressed and clean Spud came bounding in to our bedroom... only slight problem is that today is school trip day, which requires leggings and a different top!! Bless her, of all the days! Was very funny though.

My day did not get off to a good start - some b*stard had fly tipped a load of crap right outside the entrance to my field! I was livid - happily the council are on their way to clear it up but seriously some people are just hideous. It wasn't just green stuff either (not that that is excusable) it was a load of old roofing felt, nails, plastic panels etc.. Not happy. On the plus side my hubby has managed, with the help of my Dad, to locate the whereabouts of his uncle's memorial. His plane was shot down in WW2 and his Mum has never really known what happened. So, we are taking her over to Runnymede on Saturday which will be lovely, in a strange way.. She is so chuffed that she is finally going to find out a bit more about her big brother. Afterwards we are taking her to lunch at in Sunningdale, so it should be a rather memorable day.

I was officially up before the birds this morning.. my little boy had a nappy explosion at 5.30 this morning (!) and there was no hope of me sleeping after that.. So it is 7.20am and I have already typed up a customer report, cleaned up the kitchen, finished the washing up, compiled today's to do list, got kids' school bags ready and answered a couple of work related emails... might be time for a lie down shortly!! Oh no, got to go do the horses - no rest for the wicked ;)

Off to do more dog/pony training with Janet and our big kids after pick up - Baz is getting much better with Pops (she is a super star with him!) but he is still rather over excitable so here's hoping that a few more times of this and he will decide that there is no novelty factor left in dogs and will calm down. Mind you, he bust through the electric fence at the weekend so he really is a tough little cookie. Nearly time to start his proper training, that is going to be a shocker all round..

What a lovely weekend! Saturday saw us shopping for the last of our holiday bits (soo exciting, Teya has a new cross body bag too which makes her look like one of the Jack Wills 15 year old set EEEKKK but her choice of theme park bag!) followed by the Banga family joining us in the evening for a take away pizza and pyjama night in! Yesterday, Teya went riding in the morning and came home ravernous for her roast lunch - so we scoffed that down and went for a bike ride through the village and in to Brookwood cemetary. I forget how beautiful and how humbling that place is, it looked magnificent in the spring sunshine. Rounded that off with a trip to the pub next door for pinot and ice cream (former for us, latter for kids!) and caught up with Rob W whilst the kids caused havoc in the beer garden, superb... On way to review some policies at school now as part of my Gov duties, happy Monday all!

Had a great evening last night with Mr and Mrs Wakers - great fun as ever, we ate local sausages from our butcher, put the world to rights, toasted their new house (about time too, it has to be one of the longest house purchase sagas in history!!) and planned out Florida holiday! We are all so excited about the whole thing, it is going to be superb. Here are some pics of where we are staying..

Ahh another working week! The Hen night went well, the Hen herself had a great time and it was altogether a good evening (despite the fact that the food didn't arrive till 10.45pm - when most of us had gone off the idea of eating!) not enough champagne really, but that was in reality only a good thing as I had to get back on the road at 9am to pick up my minis.. they had had a wonderful time being spoiled by Granny, and Kev ran a great half marathon at Reading, so sucess all round. Made a huge cottage pie for our supper and enjoyed some good Sauvignon before waving goodbye to another weekend.

Had felt car juddering for a few weeks now, it turns out that a front tyre was flat (oops) and so badly worn that when Kev went to inflate it yesterday it burst!! Cue much trauma around the changing of the tyre and me having to borrow tools from the lovely chaps at Bentley's garage in order for Kev to change the tyre! My poor little car limped in to their workshop finally yesterday afternoon and should be back with me at some point today, not looking forward to that bill..

I am still undecided as to my outfit for Saturday night... as the agenda includes cocktails I am feeling that flats would be the best option, but Saturday night out without heels just seems wrong!




I do currently have these on my lust list mind you.. maybe that is why I am hankering towards flats?

Tory Burch pumps - above.

It is now 4 days until my Best Buddy's Hen Night! Am really looking forward to celebrating with her and some of her other friends up in Worcester.. So yesterday I bought her photo album and her notebook from Paperchase and this afternoon I have been putting together all sorts of old photos of her from the past decade to present on Saturday night!

Planned outfit is still TBC.... Argh

The sun is shining! It has to be a good day.. finally it feels as though we are emerging from the darkness in to spring and I am loving it. Still, it is bloody cold out there so all hail for my lovely hubby who bought me a pair of Dubarry boots yesterday, love him! They had £100 off, which is a great saving, although I appreciate that they weren't cheap to start with..

It is Pancake day today and Teya has stipulated that she wants plain jam pancakes for supper, hubs wants lemon and sugar and I don't even like them! I do love whipping them up though, even though I only ever do it same time each year and therefore have to make a ton of batter mix owing to the fact that the first 5 or so are crap and even the dog won't eat them!

Still undecided as to what I am giving up for lent..

So the detox went well and I lost 5lbs! I promptly put on 2 and then lost 3 so I am still hovering around 5-6 lbs down in 2 weeks, not bad. Still got a way to go - and only 8 weeks till Florida!

Went for a run with super speedy husband this am before work which was excellent, if knackering! Feeling v virtuous :)

My HUGE magnetic notice board has arrived, whoop - Kev and Steve are due to put it up for me this afternoon - too excited, finally getting the stuff off the side of my fridge so that work on new kitchen cupboard can commence...

Cod for supper tonight, and Marchlands on the TV, excellent.

OK day 2 of Detox and all well so far - headache yesterday afternoon but I feel much better today! Not any less tired mind you..

Yesterday I ate;

1 x cup bouillion with jalapeno peppers
6 sticks celery
3 spoonfulls cottage cheese
salad consisting of lettuce, apraragus, cucumber and peas with low red wine vinegar dressing

Drank water and weak squash!

Not much hey! But that is the point, am actually looking forward to getting on the scales tomorrow and seeing some results, I want to eat some tasty food!!!

Mission get Foxy For Florida has started!

So, I am still carrying far too much 'spare' weight around for my liking, due to basically my lack of self control! I love my food and my wine and quite honestly any excuse for a get together or a party and it is apalling news for my waistline.. it is now time to get tough, my bessie Kaz is getting married in Florida on the 14th April and we are spending two weeks out there, wearing minimal clothing so quite frankly I need to do something about my sad sack of a body. OK, in clothes I don't look too bad but zoikes, I do not like my naked self one bit and enough is enough. I can't blame post baby bod either, I am lucky with my genes - nope, no one to blame but me! Good news is that I know I can do it, I have willpower of steel when I put my mind to it, the only thing that I will find v tough is giving up the wine, but the image of me in a bikini as I look now is enough motivation :)

Firstly - I need to start running again, I have blamed my lack of exercising on the weather but I am blatantly too lazy (well what would you rather do, strap on a sports bra and a pair of Nikes and head out in to the freezing January day or curl up on the sofa with Grazia magazine? Exactly) I also need to rein in my eating and drinking, Kev and I have started the year really well with our alcohol free days we have made some spectacular leaps off the wagon too.. Today marks day one of my detox, I am doing that for 3 days and am then going to follow a small portion diet plan, I CBA with no carb, endless salads, brown rice etc so I am just going to eat ballerina sized portions of normal food, drink gallons of water and see how I go. I have been on my thigh trainer too today and will go for a run tomorrow am as soon as I have dropped Zoom at nursery, just before I start work and I am aiming to get back to running 3 x per week and thigh training a further few.

Weekends I will be less strict with myself, hell I know I will fail if I set myself too strict a regime! I want 10 lbs off by end of Feb, and a total loss of 1.5 stone by the time April rocks around.

Wish me luck, so far I have had water water and water and I am feeling good.. long may it last..

My Black Wednesday

It all started in 1993, September, just as I started back at school for the new year. I was 14. My first stop on the way to my first day was the stables, my favourite sanctuary. As I rounded the corner and through the little wooden gate a dark flash shot across the field ahead - I looked closer and there she was - standing bolt upright and snorting wildly, the mad crazy bay Arab mare who would become the love of my life, my best friend, my soul mate and the one who knew everything there was to know about me. It was love at first sight, and I would like to think that the feeling was mutual, even if she was wicked to me on occasions! Dusty was unique, she was wild and crazy and no one else's choice of mount apart from mine. She was as fine as spun sugar and as strong as an Ox and she gave you a look as if to say, 'you just stay on your toes lady!' she was a stunning bright pale conker colour, with a shock of black mane and tail and she had the most amazing white markings, two symmetrical white back legs, flecks on her flanks and incredible white stripes across her tail, as if she had leant against a fence covered in flour! Her face was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, beautifully dished with a startling white blaze that ran right to her lip. She had a tiny whorl behind her ear which she very rarely let me touch, she HATED her ears being touched, in fact that was one of the ways that we could tell if she was feeling poorly, she let us touch her ears. Dusty was incredibly fast, she could gallop and would outrun everyone, always - she was bold and jumped like a little stag, although was often a little too excitable for me to actually do a clear round!

For the next 4 years I looked after her day in day out, we rode as often as possible both up and down the cumbrian fells and all around the the surrounding villages. We jumped (terrifying on occasions!) and we schooled, we galloped and we explored, we spent so much time together. Indeed she threw me and fell backwards on top of me the week before my A Levels - that was not so fun! It broke my heart when I found it near impossible to ride her when I was almost crippled with arthritis, but I had a go, and she looked after me then, it was as though she knew.

When I finally left school, the summer holidays and the prospect of not having my pony with me were too much, so Nellie (head of riding at my school) agreed to sell her to me for £700 - so I worked all summer at the Naafi and in the Officers' Mess and when I finally sent Nellie the cheque I was elated! A week later, clattering off the back of a lorry in not so much as a brushing boot for protection, my darling arrived at our new home, where I would be working as a working pupil for the next year. Quite how I managed to keep us both on my salary of £35 a week I will never know, but we had a fantastic time, we hunted for the first time, and I insisted on doing so in a snaffle as she wouldn't accept a stronger bit - much to the amusement of my colleagues - especially when my dog hating horse saw the hounds released for the first time, we nearly went in to orbit! Her stable was just over the corridor from my dorm, and we shared everything from crips sandwiches to easter eggs..

Then as we both got older we moved yards together, bringing Ladybird with us - my Mum's horse who became Dusty's equine soul mate. We then had a riot of mad hacking, jumping, photoshoots (Dusty was made famous in Good Housekeeping in 1998 I think it was!) lessons for my Mum, local shows - oh the disasters, even a lovely sharer for her, Sammy who helped me out when work got too much.

Dusty was such a brave horse, prone to colic which gave us great cause for concern on many occasion - and had a heart murmur which never seemed to bother her! She acted like a filly her whole life, and age would not weary her, not at all. No one ever believed me when I told them she was born in 1981, the year before my sister! She suffered her fair share of dramatic injuries too, she was attacked in the field and did severe damage to her leg in 2001, but I nursed her back, she even got horrendously kicked in October last year and fractured her leg - but we fixed her then too (although we then retired her from being ridden, much to her delight!) it was tough but she was a fighter.

On Wednesday 29th September 2010 I received a call from my Mum, it was 8.30 am and she wanted me to come down to the yard straight away to see Dusty, she said that she was having trouble walking. As I put down my phone, I knew, I had had a terrible dream two nights before and I felt the horror rising up inside me that my worst fear was coming true.

I got to the field within minutes and as I saw my beautiful girl trying to walk towards me the pain ripped through me like a knife. Her back end was failing, her legs weren't supporting her body and they were contorting horribly with every step she tried to take. I called the vet immediately. Dietrich was with us within half an hour. Dusty had spinal trauma, most likely a tumour and nothing was going to fix her this time, no open ended credit card, no medicine, nothing would. The feeling of helplessness was overwhelming, I sobbed and sobbed as I gave the consent to send my best friend to sleep for the last time. We had to sedate Ladybird to keep her calm whilst we said goodbye. So, I buried my face in her lovely wild mane and told her I was sorry, that I loved her so very much and that I had to say goodbye. Dusty fell peacefully to sleep at 11am, and with her, a piece of me died too.

It is the hardest thing now knowing she isn't here any more, that I wont see her face when I return to our field. Dusty was always there, she listened to all my dilemmas, my thoughts, my hopes, dreams and secrets - that horse took many secrets to her grave. She always listened, never judged and always gave such a lot back. She saw me grow up, fall in and out of love and back again, do my work, have my children (whom she wasn't always overly keen on!) and she even let Teya on her back on a couple of occasions, but never for very long!! Despite the fact that she was nearly 30, and I knew she wouldn't last forever, the shock is still severe.

So, goodnight Pony, thank you for the past 18 years of unconditional love, and for all the joy that you brought to me and my family. We will miss you everyday. I am so very grateful that you didn't have to suffer, that you had no long term illness that was causing you pain. I am glad that you were able to live your life to the full in your fab 8 acre field, right up until the end. Take care up there, I treasure each and every thought of you.

OK crikey this is a late one but Happy New Year all! This is a rubbish rubbish late update but oh my what a Christmas period we had... madly busy but wonderful, the house was full daily of love, fun and laughter and it was great to have everyone around all over the holidays. I was absolutely shattered by the time my sis and nephew left mind you and was very glad to be snowed in for a few days to catch up on some QT with the Spuddy and just chill out and make snowmen, feed the birds and venture round the corner to the pub with Janet and her kiddies! Fun times, the village is beautiful in the snow..

BUT.. day 10 of it means that I am feeling a little bored of not being able to venture out, so would like the big thaw now - just to keep me from housework and internet shopping whilst the Zed Head (my baby who now has 7 teeth!!!!) is sleeping...

What a few days!!! Wow - we have been so very busy on the house and all is - if I do say so myself - looking fabulous!! We have the curtains, bloody beautiful curtains, up in the lounge - and the room is transformed. It looks stunning and so homely now. I have bought a great new cofee table from ebay that I m ain the middle of painting the top of and will be doing the big mirroe and the other side table to match!

The gorgeous and hugely smiley Birley came over for lunch in the snow today - was a great afternoon. She is a very happy lady, has met a fab sounding chap whose name is Winston - yes, it is a huge temptation to shout WIINNNNSTAAANNNNN in a quasai Jamacian accent but hell, he sounds just perfect fpr her and I am beyond over the moon for her.. watch this space..

Only 3 more sleeps til Rigs and baby Droo arrive - oohhh cant wait! All is ready for their arrival and my wonderful husband has even booked us both in for a wash and blow dry at Toni and Guy at 12pm on Xmas eve so that we can look stunning for Xmas.. and he is not only paying but is also looking after the 3 kids! I am definately married to the most amazingly thoughtful man in the world. I love him with all that I am.....

My husband snores on the sofa opposite me - so I have been in my pink place - cherrrist that sounds rude :) but I am talking about an internet forum, nowhere else!!

I feel compelled to just type down a few feelings that I would like to express -because a lot of the lovey friends I have met have experienced a miscarriage, they have lost longed for babies and that is something that I just cannot imagine. I know of my own heartache, from simply trying for a baby for so long.. and yes, it may have taken us longer second time around that we would have imagined, but we didn't lose our longed for baby. I take my hat off to all the wonderful women that I 'know' who are so bloody brave and strong after losing their babies. Life can be so cruel yet they stand up to it square in the face and beat it, most of the wonderful women I know have gone on to expand their families, yet their lost ones are never forgotton. I salute you, and I celebrate the brief time your loved ones were here.

Thank you ladies for being an inspiration, all my lots of humbling love to you all xxx

OK I am not giving up alcohol again - 2 weeks ago I decided to stop the wine for a few days and on day 3 I got flu! Flu so bad that I was dripping with sweat and freezing for 4 days. I haven't felt so bad for 10 years, honestly it was awful. Anyway, since I have recovered I dare not go a day without wine, and I am fighting fit!

So, now I am back to myself, I have been flat out for xmas, my cards are written and posted, my presents are all bought and mostly wrapped, the trees are up, the house is decorated (ok yes thre is more work to be done but hell I am happy with what we have so far..) the menu is sorted, the food is ordered from M&S and the itinerary is sussed. I feel so chuffed, and am so looking forward to the festivities I am buzzing!! I will miss my beautiful black cat this year though, he always loves Christmas, the heat and the merriment and the abundance of laps to kip on. My darling Flik, we will miss you every second xx

So now my life is complete - my Sister called this evening to say that she and my darling Nephew will be coming home on December the 22nd til Jan 4th. Well, I cant deny but I just cried, cried and cried, I have never felt so happy or so lucky. This year I will make a huge Xmas dinner for my beautiful sister and her son, for my Mum and Dad, the inspiration for my life and also for my incredible mother in law, whom I am in awe of every day. I have never seen her shed a tear, not even when we arrived to see her husband's last moments, nothing. elizabeth is the most amazingly strong and proud woman and she is a rock. If ever a Mother could show her love by her son she has. I am very lucky. I love that woman as if she was my own flesh and blood, I guess we have so much in common and we love Kevin unconditionally make us pretty kindred..

I am the luckiest daughter in law, I love my mother in law to bits.
I just cannot wait to have my gorgeous family around my table on christmas day,Iwant to cook a fab meal for us all and the fact that we are all going to be together is worth more than I could ever express in words.

I know you have all been dying to know the results... JESS SURVIVED!! Phew, she had a stint in the washing machine and then in the freezer and is looking much better for the makeover. I am sure Teya's cough is improving already so, fingers crossed that this house will be a little less snotty from now on.

Bless Teya, she has lost 2 teeth this week and now looks extremely comedy and speaks with a lisp! Very very funny but I am gutted as have had to cancel the kid's photoshoot that I had planned for a couple of weeks time. I am sure she would not appreciate the pics in years to come. Oh god, the Christmas pictures aren't going to be as pretty as last years! Ah well, the big ones will grow soon enough, and then she will have whopping tombstones like mine no doubt..

Today something very terrifying is going to occur.. I am going to put Jess in the washing machine!!

Now Jess is my daughter's pride and joy - I would give up everything I have to keep that cat and quite honestly the thought of putting her on a 40 degree spin cycle fills me with dread. The trouble is it is high time I did because my lovely GP friend thinks Jess' general filthiness could have something to do with the fact that Teya's horrible persistent cough will not budge - and that makes total sense. The cat must be full of bugs YUK as she hasnt been washed in ahem some while..

So, just before I head out to meet my bosses to discuss my flexi hours request (for another post) I shall be putting her in a pillowcase and saying a small prayer for her safe return!!

Wish me luck.. I shall report back later..

Enough is enough - my losing weight is getting slower and slower - so time for drastic action! I started my Davina workouts yesterday, did an hour this am and plan to run tomorrow when Mother In Law has the baby, phew, finally kicking my unfit bum in to touch.. I have to lose 1stone 2lbs by Xmas eve - but the best bit is that Janet is rising to the challenge with me, she wants a stone off to, so it is competition time...

6 weeks and 2 days to go... We will do it!

As well as that challenge Janet and I are doing the 'who can make the most on Ebay' beween now and then, and there are bonus points for selling from under the husband's noses.. what will they notice has gone?!

So, flush and thin by Christmas, woo hoo - I am ready!

We almost have an open fire again!!! I say almost because it is not quite finished yet but I am overly excited at the prospect of being able to satisfy my pyromaniac tendancies this weekend. The lovely Bob has knocked the fireplace back in, rendered the parts where the darling Luigi (developer) lazily stuffed in breeze blocks, and it is just the finishing round the edges to do now, which Bob is doing at 9.30am tomorrow.. I then pick up the Indian sandstone harth and we are good to go - thanks to the £20 antique fire grate picked up at Perry Hill last weekend - woo hoo - naughty nights in front of the open fire here we come.. lol

Oh, and I have to paint the chimney breast, I bought the wrong shade of Farrow and Ball, dahling, needs to be darker - but by crikey that paint is pricey!

Really looking forward to having the snug finished..

See who couldn't love the X Factor?! As soon as the nights draw in, what would Saturday nights be without the X Factor and the heckling at the various acts? Us sitting room dwellers who cast our opinions so harshly, despite being able to hold a tune, save for the occasional drunken rendition of God Save The Queen..

Anyway, Saturdays in the Neill household are all about pizza and X Factor, we let the Spud stay up owith us but she always quaffs out early to retire to our bed with the ipod, for her Disney is waaaayy more entertaining than some wannabes on ITV.

Now, whilst I actually agree with my 5 1/2 year old, I have to state that I (we) watch the X Factor for the following reasons..

1) We love the sexual chemistry between SiCo and Chezza - they so have to do it sometime soon..
2) I have a massive girl crush on Chezza
3) Oh and on Danni too, esp as I actually asked my hairdresser to 'cut my hair like Danni's' ahhh the shame lol
4) he did cut my hair like Danni's
5) Jedward are shit but are more entertaining than Lloyd
6) Maybe Cheryl will like Danyl now that he has the same haircut as her hubby
7) Maybe she will hate him more
8) How bitchy can Louis be

So for now, we will be watching, and what crap it is... you just have to watch the Festival of Rememberance on the beeb to realise true talent. I will post about Rememberance tomorrow, something very close to my heart, but not to be typed tonight after a few bottles of vin blanc..

The strangest feeling is going to collect a loved one's ashes. Today I collected my beautiful cat from the vets, well his ashes anyway, and it felt all wrong, too wrong. A week ago, my wonderful big panther cat was taken from me, hit on the road outside our new house.At 6pm he was rubbing up against my legs, later that evening, his back was broken. Thank god some local pub goers spotted him on the path as they walked home and came to our door. The doorbell rang at 9.15pm, hubby sent me to the door, wimping out of dealing with premature trick or treaters.. when I was confronted by a couple who started with the words 'do you own a black cat.......' I just knew. I screamed at Kev and ran across the road, to find my darling cat lying on the path waiting for me. He looked up at me and cried and I knew I wouldn't have him for much longer.

Kev ran out of the house after me and carried him back inside. I was hysterical, I have never felt such a searing pain for an animal. He was our first baby, he had been with Kev and I for 11 years, surely he couldnt be taken away from us now.. Kev put his hand on my sobbing shoulder.. ''he is going to die, I need to take him to the vet now, I am sorry darling....' I sat with my handsome cat for one more minute, kissing his head and crying in to his neck. He looked at me in pain and yowled. Part of me wishes he had died there in my arms. But I had to watch my husband carry him to the front seat of the car.. and I really did not want to say goodbye, but I did, despite the fact that my last words to Kev were, I am sure they will fix him, please make them fix him.

I howled and howled. Kev called me to say he had gone. He had a broken back, they had to put him down. I dont know how long I cried after that, the world went black. How bloody unfair, he was meant to be with us for sometime yet, why now? My darling Daddy called (Mum was away in Italy) Daddy was so sad too, distraught and worried about me. I didnt sleep that night, Kev came home and cuddled me but I lay awake looking at the darkness thinking of the Pirbright Panther, and how much I missed him already.

So, back to the start of this post - I picked up his ashes today, my incredible cat in an oak box with his name engraved on the top. It sits next to me now, and all I feel is an emptiness.

I havent told many people about Flik's death, I cannot bear to tell, but to those of you who know and who have been so wonderfully supportive, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Flik, I love you so so very much, and you will be forever in our hearts xx

I will update from the new house soon, but what with this and my horse's fractured splint bone, I have had a sad and stressful time recently, despite the joy of the new family home.

It is actually official that I am rubbish at updating this blog. For anyone who is still reading, thank you for your patience, I have been shit I know.

So, here I am, inspired to write because tonight friends is the last night that I will be spending in my beautiful 2 bedroom cottage on Gole Road. This house has been the making if me, corny as it sounds it is beautiful and as it was my first huge purchase, it will always be the closest to my heart. My daughter has spent her early childhood here and we have grown as a family in this house. Dont get me wrong it xertainly hasnt been plain happy smug sailing, if fact I have had some dark times here BUT they were a long time ago and the house has evolved with us as a family since then. This place is truely beautiful and i feel so priviliged that when friends walk through the door they always remark on the feel and atmosphere of the place. Pretty incredible for a house that is over 100 years old. Thank you house, I will forever hold a special place in my heart for you, and I wish James and Lisa as much love and happiness from you as we have had.

Anyway, I am around boxes and without my baby (MIL is looking after him!!!) so am taking advantage and will get an early night.

I look forward to updating you from Gole Cottage.

Here's to the next chapter..

xx

What a couple of days I have had! OK, so I know I have been wholly rubbish at updating my blog, so am going to try and make the proper effort to do so daily for a while..

So, Monday started with the joyous news that there was still a dispute at the council regarding the planning permission/ building works on our new house. Great, we are supposed to move on Thursday (ie TOMORROW!) and still this had not been sorted, and we were awaiting a decision from the planning officer.. joy.

My Audi was also due to be collected on Monday, but DH kindly announced that the clutch had gone on Saturday (at 46K miles, I was livid, gosh he is a crap driver!!!) so it couldnt be collected and instead we had to get it to the garage up the road and pay a non collection fee! Expensive day.

Yesterday I find out that the move is off, at least for now - there was no planning permission granted for part of the rear extension in our new place - I couldnt believe it! Now whilst the council say that they are not opposed, who knows what this parish might say, so we have agreed to sit tight and wait for the retrospective planning is approved, and just pray that it is. Incredibly, my seller seems to think that this is unreasonable and wants us to exchange anyway, with a retension, not something I am comfortable with - so we wait! How anyone who blatently disregarded the planning permission can have such an opinion is beyond me! Thank goodness our lovely buyers are happy to wait, and so are theirs. GAH this has to be the worst house move in history.

Zach is also rapidly outgrowing the moses basket and I have started weaning him - the boy is a hoover! Loves his food, in typical male style. No way can Kev and I fit the cot in our room with us so I really do hope the planning doesnt take too long.. but who knows.

I am now just sitting down with a well deserved glass of wine after scrubbing my house from top to bottom with the help of my fabulous Mum, it looks fantastic.

Finally, we have decided on a name! Zach Benjamin Rufus John :) I have even been to register his birth so it is official. I am so so happy with my little man, he is an absolute treasure and makes me feel so very lucky and complete. Teya is being a fantastic big sister too, she is really helpful despite being as demanding as ever herself hee hee, and she has so much love for her baby bunny as she calls him, it melts my heart.

Happy 32nd wedding anniversary to the Rentals! Gosh 32 years, and they are still in love and an inspiration to all couples out there. I couldn't function without the love and support of my wonderful parents, so here is a huge thank you and lots of love from me.. Not that they will ever see this - but it is feels right to mark the occasion. I have always aspired to have a marriage like theirs, and I do hope I will be as good an example to my children as they have been to my Sister and I.

Talking of my Mum, we were in town yesterday doing some shopping and a potter about - Zach was in his car seat as I couldnt be arsed with the buggy (and he looks beyond tiny in it!) and Mum had the joy of lugging him about as I am still feeling rather ouch from the c section. Anyway, it was amazing how many people stopped us to coo over the baby, yet even more amazing that most actually assumed he was MUM'S!! I mean I know I still have the face of a teenager, but my Mum is 54 FFS!! It was so very funny.

Our Boy is here!!! Zach (middle names still undecided!!) was born at 0941 on Tuesday 21st April at Frimley Park Hospital in Surrey. To say that we are all ecstatic and completely in love with him would be an understatement. I am currently still feeling rather like an unfortunate extra from a slasher movie, but am still smiling and shuffling about so I thought I had better get his birth story down in writing before full on nappy brain and sleep deprivation take over and I forget it all.

Our story begins slightly ahead of schedule, on Monday 20th April at around 8pm.

Everything was ready for baby boy's arrival, I had cleaned and tidied to within an inch of my life, all the beds were changed, the clothes for Teya laid out for her Dad and Granny, the fridge stocked with food, my hospital bag done, the moses basket in place, bod was shaved and prepped and all ready to be scrutinised under theatre lights. Kev and I had decided to order a fancy indian takeaway and have a small glass of wine, before settling down to watch Hells Kitchen and then get an early night. Ha the best laid plans and all that.. At around 8pm and just before the curry arrived I got up to go for my umpteenth wee of the day, nothing untoward about that - until I realised that this wee was quite different, there was blood present. Staying calm I came out of the bathroom and told Kev, who immediately looked panicked (an expression that became etched permanantly on my poor hubby's face for the next 24 hours!) I said not to panic and called the maternity ward - they asked if there was a lot of blood, I said no, they then asked if I had any contractions, again no. Phew, I was to rest up at home and call again if anything changed - if it didnt I would see them in the morning.

About halfway through the curry I felt it - oh yes it may be 5 years since the last one but you do not forget what a contraction feels like !! I asked Kev to get timing, 10 minutes and pang another one. How sodding typical, the night before I am due to have my baby taken out of me and he has other ideas! So, back on the phone and an hour later, my Mum has arrived to look after the blissfully unaware Teya, I have burst in to tears due to the blasted hormones and we have arrived at the central delivery suite. After being strapped up to the monitor and having a rather rough handed consultant shove his paw up my fandangoo (thankfully this time round that is the last time my girlie bits get any tampering with!) it is pronounced that yes indeed I am in labour, but my cervix is only very slightly open, and with no head down to speed the process up they dont think they will need to operate that night. Crikey. Then much to my dismay my poor scared hubby is sent off home and I am taken to the ante natal ward - just in case my waters go in the night. Boo. Not the way I had planned to spend my last night as a Mummy of one - I was hoping for a long cuddle with my hubs in our clean tidy bedroom, and what do I get instead? A room with 6 other heavily pregnant snoring groaning women, one of whom was in early labour and sounded as though she was orgasming her way through the night, much to the disgust of the woman next to her who huffed puffed and tutted the whole night through! I dont know which disturbance was more condusive to my lack of sleep, but needless to say when Kev arrived at 6am the next morning I was exhausted.

Anyway, on to the actual story! At around 7.30am the Midwife came in to see us and brought Kev his scrubs, my gowns and sexy stockings and talked us through the schedule of events for the next few hours. We both changed in silence, loaded up our empty cot with vest, hat, babygro and camera and then sat back to chat and wait our turn to be called. Turns out we didnt have to wait too much longer, at 8.30 we were collected and walked across the hospital with our cot full of paraphenallia - me as white as the hospital walls and Kev quieter than I have ever known him. The young maternity assistant who walked us down couldnt have been a day over 18 but she was so calm and lovely, in fact I would just like to take this opportunity to say that all of the staff who looked after us all during our time at Frimley Park were absolutely fantastic. So, at 9am we arrived at the theatre and by this time I am so bloody scared I could be sick. The theatre staff welcomed us through the scarily official looking doors and completed all of their checks. I sat up on the bed shaking like a leaf and trying not to look at Kev who looked as though he was about to cry. The anaethatist nummed my back with a local whilst the girls all made small talk to occupy me, but all I could think was 'i really dont want to do this - but i have no sodding choice' the fear of the unknown is hugely powerful and I can honestly say that I havent felt so scared for as long as I can remember. The anaethatist put the spinal in and first time hit a nerve so my back involuntarily spasmed - god that was horrid, but the second time she did it it went painlessly in and I felt a rush of warmth all down my left side 'Is this supposed to feel as though I am peeing in a wetsuit?!' i ask - laughter ensued and indeed, it was agreed that yes the two feelings were very similar. Very quickly I began to lose feeling in my legs and they tested out the level of sensation by spraying me with a cold spray. I really cant begin to describe what it feels like, you can feel everything - every touch, the pressure but NO PAIN AT ALL. When they put the catheter in I was convinced that would feel uncomfy but nope, not a thing. So odd, and so not pleasant. I hate to feel out of control - christ I dont even like to have anaesthetic before a filling so being partially paralysed was not good for me.

Once the staff were happy that I was suitably numb I was wheeled in to the brightly lit theatre and it was all systems go. My gown was hitched up and pinned on arms in front of my face to make the 'screen' Kev sat next to me as the surgeon began - I felt the tugs and pulls for what seemed like an eternity - Kev held my hand and watched as much as he could bear in the reflection from the light above my head - he gripped my hand tightly as I started to cry - I felt sick and I wanted my baby - the anaethatist tried to calm me down and added what felt like 2 litres of anti nausea drugs to my IV - where was my baby? At 0941 Kev started to cry as he saw our son lifeted from my tummy, I kept repeating 'is he OK is he OK?' and the next thing I remember is hearing my baby cry for the first time and everyone rushing to reassure and congratulate us, and both of our tears of tension and fear turned immediately to immense relief and euphoria. I was then handed my beautiful (if very purple!) baby in a towel and I held on to him as tightly as I could manage, I then felt the tugging as I was stitched up and passed him to his Daddy for his first cuddle. Wow, we did it - terrified and feeling quite frankly horrendous despite the lack of pain we were wheeled in to recovery where my beautiful baby Zach was placed on my naked chest for pretty much the whole time. I didnt even notice when my blood pressure dropped so low that the crash team were put on standby.. Nothing really felt real - the only thing that I could think about was how incredibly lucky I was to be holding my beautiful, perfect and longed for baby boy.

Well done if you have got this far! It was a bit of an epic and I am crying now as I finish writing this. Honestly the emotion of the whole experience has been overwhelming and I am so glad that it is all over and we are home safe and well. I was in hospital until the Thursday morning and was glad to get home to my gorgeous family, all of whom have been incredible.

Just a last note before I finish, now that I can say I have experience of the two opposite ends of the birth spectrum (if there is such a thing) if anyone wants my opinion as to which to go for, the no pain relief, full labour and natural memphis belle bomb doors or the sunroof option? Given the choice, it would be the bomb doors everytime. Oh and incedentally, the consultant who delivered Zach was the same chap who booked me in for the c section - the one who acted as though he didnt quite believe my midwife for saying Zach was breech - well after the operation he informed us that even if all had been normal and baby was head down, the umbillical cord was too short and my labour would have ended in c section anyway...

Welcome to the world Zach, words cannot describe how much we all adore you already.

Ah the joys of hospitals! On Thursday I had my pre op appointment to discuss all the ins and outs (pardon the pun!) of my c section. So, 15 minutes before my scheduled appointment time, Teya and I made our way to the hospital, her announcing that it looked like 'Scrubs' inside, and over to the waiting room at the ante natal clinic, to sit and patiently wait to be seen along with numerous other couples/women/ families from all over the county.

One thing that I continue to find fascinating is the sheer variety of carachters that one sees when in such a place as an NHS hospital. People watching, I am sure everyone agrees, is a thoroughly fascinating passtime - and happily for me, I got to spend quite sometime doing it due to the fact that my appointment was so delayed.

As Teya and I sat we were joined in the waiting room by a variety of sights, from all walks of life - to my left were a veringontheelderley hippie couple, she who kept grumbling that they were having to wait, and him who just looked bemused at the whole experience. To my right an Umbro shorts and matching tracksuit top and trainers combo chap and his Thai bride, him looking frankly pretty ugly but rather pleased with himself, and her rather resembling a rabbit in headlights, who almost looked as though she couldnt quite grasp what was going on. Across from me were the stereotypical chav family, brash noisy large goldearring wearing grandmother grappling 3 snotty nosed kids whose ages varied from around 1 -4 while the mother heaved her none so small frame around the room looking bored and uncomfortable, but totally oblivious to her children's behaviour.

Over in the far corner of the room were a couple who were clearly on their first child, probably at around the 20 week mark looking at her little bump, who sat very quietly, husband with hand on pretty wife's knee, looking around them in horror at (well in particular the 3 I have just mentioned) kids racing around the room - almost in disbelief that this might be something they had signed themselves up for! Lastly over in the other corner sat a very large and very young girl, having a very loud and not so intelligent arguement with her camo clad boyfriend , who proceeded to get up and leave halfway through her verbal attack.

I was eventually seen after about an hour, firstly having my weight and other vitals taken by the midwife, baby boy was checked and my urine sample screened (much to Teya's disgust!) Next it was on to see the anaethatist (sp?) to discuss the implications of the spinal, and the details of the operation itself, all of which I will spare you here you will be happy to hear. I was also given pre op meds to be taken the night before the section, and the very sweet chap advised me not to drink any thing past 10pm that night - no problem say I - and then felt the ground open up before me as my daughter announces that 'well Mummy drinks wine in bed!' to which both the anaethatist (who couldnt have been a day over 25) and I blushed a deep shade of purple whilst I tried to protest that actually at 9 months pregnant I don't.. but out of the mouth's of babes hey?! She seemed pretty pleased with herself, and I left 30 minutes later after having more blood extracted and generally feeling more terrified than I have done to date.. No matter what, this boy is coming out feet first on Tuesday 21st April!! As we left the building Teya looked up at me and announced that she didn't want to have a baby taken out of her tummy - ever - so she would NOT be getting married, end of story.. Awww - I shall have great pleasure recounting that story in years to come...

Count down to baby boy's arrival has begun!

Last Thursday afternoon I tentatively made my way over to Frimley Park hospital to discuss the next steps for Baby Boy's birth. The long and the short of it was that after a brief scan to determine that yes the baby is still breech (I was rather under the impression that the consultant didn't 'believe' my Midwife's observations, and also that I rather regarded myself as a yummy Mummy who was too posh to push...) but yes, if I was not keen on trying the ECV, which I am not due to the fact that my Midwife has said that she is unsure how sucessful it would be given the boy's comfort and also that at any complication an emergency C will be undertaken, I should be booked in for a C Section at 39 weeks. The con called to his colleages for the 'Section Diary' and within a couple of seconds a tatty A4 collins-a-like book was thrust in to his hands, and the date of the 21st April was turned to. This was the first date without a myriad of white stickers (the high tech way in which the NHS differentiate between the 'patients') so I was 'stuck' in! I then had to sign a rather scarily detailed consent form, which listed all of the possible complications with the procedure - before being sent on my way, clutching my notes and an equally scary leaflet all about what to expect from your elective c- section.

So, as I type I am still rather in denial about the fact that this time next week, I will God willing, have my baby boy in my arms. I am both over excited and highly terrified about the whole thing, but mostly I am just going to enjoy the last few days of being just Teya's Mummy and the rest of her Easter holiday. My to do list is, with the odd exception, all done - and we are all ready for the beginning of the summer term and for the start of our next chaper...

Death of a Motorcyclist

Those of you who know where I live know how notorious this road can be for people speeding, but for those who don't, I am lucky enough to live in a very pretty village, but one of the drawbacks is that the bikers love it too.. it is a great area to ride around..

Not that I am saying that in itself is a bad thing, but it is a 40 MPH road yet no motorcyclist ever seems to go below 80, they can go round the first corner then it is about 1/2 mile straight past my row of cottages and they bomb it down here.

Today has been a beautiful warm spring day, I almost had the hood down, but wasn't actually driving far so didnt bother! Around 2.30pm I was driving back from the post office, ebay run, turned the aforementioned corner and was met with a scary sight. A biker had misjudged his line (I guessed) and there was a lot of debris across the road.. cue 10 minutes later the air was filled with sirens, the area was cordened off by police and the air ambulance arrived. It didnt leave in a hurry, and I overheard one of the policemen remarking, as he made his way back to the car, that as that was now the 4th fatality in under a year, maybe the council would lower the speed limit.

It is tragic, I hate the way the bikers speed down my road yes, but even worse than that I hate to see the piles of tribute flowers a few days later. It breaks my heart, I just wish they would take more care, but i guess that even with lowering the limits, that will never happen. Who buys a bike to drive about at 30MPH? Sadly, no one.

My rants for the day 1) Baby in Breech and 2) Estate Agents!

I have had yet another night of zero sleep. I found out at my trip to see the Midwife on Friday that baby boy Neill is in breech - and the fact that he has been in that position since my 32 week scan does not bode well for him turning! So, I have been advised of numerous different excercises I can try to get the boy to turn, including going around on all fours (not easy when suffering from SPD, quite apart from the large belly!) and sitting with a big of peas (or wine cooler in this house, have more of those than peas) on the top of my bump to try and encourage him to move away from the cold. Well, it is now Tuesday morning and I have been trying a combination of all the advised excercises and I can honestly say I am not convinced he has budged an inch. So, I have been warned that this last episode could end up in planned C -section, but first I would have an ECV - this means i will go in to hospital, have an injection to relax my muscles and then have the consultant attempt to manually move baby round inside me - now, I know I am a real worrier but this just doesnt appeal. So, I am having to be brave and open my mind to the thought of a sunroof exit.. I have been given lots of great advice from a lovely collection of ladies, and I have to say I am feeling much better about the whole thing, but I am still not sleeping..

Now on to Estate Agents. So, we are supposed to be in times of economic hardship and the housing market is falling quicker than Gordon Brown's popularity, yet this doesn't seem to be taking its toll on the agents in Surrey. We have had our house on the market since the beginning of the year and have been to view a total of around 20 + properties and I can honestly say that with the exception of the lovely chaps at B&W - EVERY ONE has been late for the viewings!! Quite apart from this, their professionalism has been called in to question on more than one occasion and I am more convinced than ever that they will only work in their own best interest. Now I know that it is a dog eat dog world etc etc but seriously where have the ethics gone? We are just about to move agents (after being tied in to a ridiculous notice period with our original and very poor choice) and my only requests to them on instruction were as follows; 1) Please communicate with me - if you can't get viewings or if you think we need to change anything about the marketing - JUST TELL ME and 2) No bullshit. If they can do both of these I will pay their fee with pleasure.. I am 8 months pregnant and feisty at the best of times, so they have been warned. They take over on Saturday - so watch this space :)

AH the joys of 'The Bay'! Let me explain. Being off work on Maternity leave means that 1) I have a million and one things that I *need* (would really like) to get done before baby boy arrives 2) I need to be saving pennies or making them 3) My hours of the day in front of the computer screen should be significantly reduced.

Alas old habits die hard, and the shopaholic in me takes a lot of supression. I am working impressively through my to do list, but unfortunately that also means listing unwanted items on the bay. This obviously leads to vast amounts of time at the computer listing, uploading, invoicing etc - which leaves me wide open to all of the shopping opportunities that present themselves with a simple search.. So far I have sold about £70 worth of 'stuff' and have managed to purchase the following;

Antique storage chest/ coffee table
Wax Sticks (for table hubby bought on the same site!)
Cath Kidston fabric
Cupcake cases with pretty hearts on them

BUT I am also watching

Oliver Peoples Sunnies
Vintage telephone
Glider chair
Dresser
Formes Maternity Dress
Dualit hand mixer

To name but a few! At this rate I will be spending more than I am earning - but hey, there are some great bargains to be had if you have hours to trawl through ( I know strictly I don't but you know what I mean) yes a lot of it is tat, but the hunting is addictive - and yes there are a lot of things that I *need* as a lady of new found leisure ;)

Ah ha the sun is shining and the sky is blue - quelle belle jour! Spring is here, and despite the fact that my step isn't actually springing (wretched SPD) I feel so much brighter with the sunshine in the sky.

So, after waking up to this gorgeous day and depositing my daughter at breakfast club in a bastardisation of my pyjamas (ah the shame) I got myself showered and decided it was time I looked at the more summery options in my maternity wardrobe. As I pulled the drawers apart I happened upon some items my lovely little sis had passed on to me following her pregnancy last year, and after careful consideration, decided upon the lovely white short sleeved isabella oliver wrap top that she had lent me, to team with my wide leg jeans and ballet pumps with huge sunnies. Good choice. Now, here is where the story gets tricky - what she had failed to lend me was the army of servants necessary for getting my 8 month pregnant self in to the aforementioned top.. So, I have my arms in and am now holding the eqvivalent of two single bed sheets in each hand and attempting to 'wrap' them around slinkily not only my 32E's but my great belly too.. no mean feat - no matter how I attempted to wrap, I simply didnt have enough hands or flexibility to complete the task as the catalogue suggests, and at the end of it i just looked like a red faced lumpy Mummy of the aincient egyptian rather than modern yummy kind. Not good. With a sigh i unwound the whole lot, dumped it on the bed and selected black leggings and a black shift dress - perhaps I am not quite ready for summer dressing after all!

NOTE - quite apart from actually wearing the thing - if anyone would like to enlighten me as to how long the darn article takes to iron I would be most amused to find out! Let's just say that the ironing in this house is a blue job and my hubby would be less than impressed to find himself hauling the seemingly innocent top out of the ironing pile..

One of the ladies in The Pink Place has provided me with a link to everything that happened on the day I was born... Awwww - some random crap on there but some of it is quite fun...


4 June 1979

Your date of conception was on or about 11 September 1978 which was a Monday.
You were born on a Mondayunder the astrological sign Gemini.Your Life path number is 9.Your fortune cookie reads: You will have gold pieces by the bushel. Life Path Compatibility:You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 1 & 5.You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 7 & 11.You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 4, 8 & 22.The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2444028.5.The golden number for 1979 is 4.The epact number for 1979 is 2.The year 1979 was not a leap year.Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 1/28/1979 and ending 2/15/1980.You were born in the Chinese year of the Goat.Your Native American Zodiac sign is Elk; your plant is Mullein.You were born in the Egyptian month of Mesore, the fourth month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 9 Sivan 5739.Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 10 Sivan 5739.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.5.17.4 which is12 baktun 18 katun 5 tun 17 uinal 4 kin
The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Monday, 8 Rajab 1399 (1399-7-8).
The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 15 April 1979.The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 22 April 1979.The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 28 February 1979.The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 3 June 1979.The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 10 June 1979.The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 22 September 1979.The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 12 April 1979.The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 27 February 1979. As of 2/26/2009 11:33:32 AM ESTYou are 29 years old.You are 356 months old.You are 1,551 weeks old.You are 10,860 days old.You are 260,651 hours old.You are 15,639,093 minutes old.You are 938,345,612 seconds old.Celebrities who share your birthday:

Angelina Jolie (1975)
Noah Wyle (1971)
Sam Harris (1961)
Michelle Phillips (1944)
Bruce Dern (1936)
Dr. Ruth Westheimer (1928)
Dennis Weaver (1924)
Gene Barry (1922)
Robert Merrill (1919)
Rosalind Russell (1907)Top songs of 1979

My Sharona by The Knack
Bad Girls by Donna Summer
Da Ya Think I'm Sexy? by Rod Stewart
Reunited by Peaches & Herb
Hot Stuff by Donna Summer
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
Escape (The Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes
Ring My Bell by Anita Ward
Babe by Styx
Too Much Heaven by Bee Gees

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.25048923679061 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)Your lucky day is Wednesday.Your lucky number is 5.Your ruling planet(s) is Mercury.Your lucky dates are 5th, 14th, 23rd.Your opposition sign is Sagittarious.Your opposition number(s) is 3.

Today is not one of your lucky days!
There are 98 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 30 candles.Those 30 candles produce 30 BTUs,or 7,560 calories of heat (that's only 7.5600 food Calories!) .You can boil 3.43 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1979 there were approximately 3.1 million births in the US.In 1979 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.In 1979 in the US there were approximately 2,152,662 marriages (10.1%) and 1,036,000 divorces (4.9%)In 1979 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.In 1979 the population of Australia was approximately 14,602,481.In 1979 there were approximately 223,129 births in Australia.In 1979 in Australia there were approximately 104,396 marriages and 37,854 divorces.In 1979 in Australia there were approximately 106,568 deaths.Your birthstone is Alexandrite -->The Mystical properties of Alexandrite
Alexandrite can assist one in centering the self, reinforcing self-esteem, and augmenting ones ability to experience joy. Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Pearl, Moonstone, Opal

Your birth tree is
Hornbeam, the good taste
Of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, tends to egoism, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads reasonable, disciplined life, looks for kindness, an emotional partner and acknowledgment, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with her feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.There are 302 days till Christmas 2009!There are 315 days till Orthodox Christmas!The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waxing gibbous.

How funny that I have only just remembered I even have this account! Over 3 years have passed but I am back with my musings..

So what has changed in that time? Well the business went, so I am no longer selling lingerie and other assorted fun stuff to Surrey husewives - have moved in to the mobile data capture arena and am helping Customers with different needs! Oh, I am 32 weeks pregnant with our second baby - boy this time - and this is where I shall resume my tales...

The trials of bathing...
Whilst pregnant
Alone in the house
In a small bath

Monday morning when I woke I was in agony. I have SPD in my hip which has gradually got worse and on Monday was a killer, I couldn't even get out of bed. Definately couldn't make it to work so called midwife made an appointment and was told to relax, put my feet up and get a support belt. Urgh. Mum agreed to come over and drive me, but I had an hour or so before her arrival, so I decided that in order to ease my gereatric type pains I would run myself a nice hot bath, and try to relax for a bit.

So, bath run I ease my ever expanding body in to the miriad of bubbles and lie there enjoying my cup of tea and the fact that I am not in pain for a bit! After about 15 minutes and with much reluctance I decide I should be getting out. Problem, this is easier said than done. I try and push myself out (no bath handles) OUCH a shooting pain goes through my hip. I cant turn on to my front, too fat, I cant pull myself up, too heavy. Bugger. I sit there for a few minutes trying to work out my next plan of action.. Never hugely rational, the image of my Mother entering my house some 50 minutes later to find her eldest daughter sitting up to her boobs in cold bath water, white and naked is the only thing I can think of! After a couple of minutes and spurred on by the abhorrance of my previous thoughts - I let half the bathwater out and with tremendous and not altogether painless effort, haul myself out of the tub. Phew.

Note to self, probably best not bathe without anyone around in future, or at the very least take mobile in to bathroom just in case!!!

So women up and down the country were literally fighting eachother for the new Stella Mccartney range in H&M.. Mum and i went to have a look yesterday in Bluewater, there was hardly anything left and what was looked uninspiring and overpriced.. oh the covet of that designer label...

Still having a dilemma regarding stylish wedding outfit for 2 weeks time.. Really worried that i will freeze if i am not careful, but i need to look as stunning as possible! Nightmare.. who gets married in November?!

Got a text message yesterday from my lovely Northern bird, it read 'describe me in 1 word - only 1 - reply to me and then send this msg on to 10 friends to see what strange things people think about you!'

OK so i know this is a blatent money making excercise for the already obscenely rich mobile providers but hell - gave it a go anyway..

Here are my replies so far

Star, loving, loyal, bubbly and sociable

So far sounding pretty popular...

Memoirs Of a Geisha is coming out as a film on 13th Jan 2006

Seven things I want to do before i die

1. Be successful in my job
2. Be completely comfortable about how I look
3. Go brunette
4. Go down in a cage with Great White Sharks
5. Take my daughter to lapland
6. Learn to surf
7. Write a book

Seven things I can do:
1. Shop
2. Ride a horse
3. Cook
4. Speak another language
5. Sell sex toys
6. Love
7. The crab

Seven things I can not do:
1. DIY
2. Scream
3. write html
4. Knit
5. Touch my nose with my tongue
6. Not flirt!
7. Surf

Seven things that I find really attractive about the opposite sex:
1. Intelligence
2. Confidence
3. Shoulders and back
4. Eyes
5. Dirty mind
6. Smell
7. Attitude

Seven books I love:
1. Chocolat
2. All Vorginia Andrews Heaven series
3. All Harry Potter
4. Forever
5. Belle Du Jour
6. The Worst Witch
7. Shopaholic series

well here i am working again - what is up with the weather today? It is as black as night out there...

Anyway its a slow day in the world of lingerie today, luckily i had time to pop out for a sneaky glass of Vino with the Ginger One again.. cant be too bad. Do you know there are approx 800Kcal in one bottle of wine - crikey! And only 2 1/2 weeks till major wedding weekend.. Booked hotel today for the Saturday bash in Hants, looks lovely.. now i need to buy dress and find shoes.. ouch, credit card beware, you will be hammered this month!