Every morning it is a struggle to get Spud in to her uniform - not physically (!) but she takes forever getting dressed and will dither and whinge the whole time, whilst I yell from various parts of the house for her to hurry up! Imagine my delight when, at 7.15 this am a fully dressed and clean Spud came bounding in to our bedroom... only slight problem is that today is school trip day, which requires leggings and a different top!! Bless her, of all the days! Was very funny though.

My day did not get off to a good start - some b*stard had fly tipped a load of crap right outside the entrance to my field! I was livid - happily the council are on their way to clear it up but seriously some people are just hideous. It wasn't just green stuff either (not that that is excusable) it was a load of old roofing felt, nails, plastic panels etc.. Not happy. On the plus side my hubby has managed, with the help of my Dad, to locate the whereabouts of his uncle's memorial. His plane was shot down in WW2 and his Mum has never really known what happened. So, we are taking her over to Runnymede on Saturday which will be lovely, in a strange way.. She is so chuffed that she is finally going to find out a bit more about her big brother. Afterwards we are taking her to lunch at in Sunningdale, so it should be a rather memorable day.

I was officially up before the birds this morning.. my little boy had a nappy explosion at 5.30 this morning (!) and there was no hope of me sleeping after that.. So it is 7.20am and I have already typed up a customer report, cleaned up the kitchen, finished the washing up, compiled today's to do list, got kids' school bags ready and answered a couple of work related emails... might be time for a lie down shortly!! Oh no, got to go do the horses - no rest for the wicked ;)

Off to do more dog/pony training with Janet and our big kids after pick up - Baz is getting much better with Pops (she is a super star with him!) but he is still rather over excitable so here's hoping that a few more times of this and he will decide that there is no novelty factor left in dogs and will calm down. Mind you, he bust through the electric fence at the weekend so he really is a tough little cookie. Nearly time to start his proper training, that is going to be a shocker all round..

What a lovely weekend! Saturday saw us shopping for the last of our holiday bits (soo exciting, Teya has a new cross body bag too which makes her look like one of the Jack Wills 15 year old set EEEKKK but her choice of theme park bag!) followed by the Banga family joining us in the evening for a take away pizza and pyjama night in! Yesterday, Teya went riding in the morning and came home ravernous for her roast lunch - so we scoffed that down and went for a bike ride through the village and in to Brookwood cemetary. I forget how beautiful and how humbling that place is, it looked magnificent in the spring sunshine. Rounded that off with a trip to the pub next door for pinot and ice cream (former for us, latter for kids!) and caught up with Rob W whilst the kids caused havoc in the beer garden, superb... On way to review some policies at school now as part of my Gov duties, happy Monday all!

Had a great evening last night with Mr and Mrs Wakers - great fun as ever, we ate local sausages from our butcher, put the world to rights, toasted their new house (about time too, it has to be one of the longest house purchase sagas in history!!) and planned out Florida holiday! We are all so excited about the whole thing, it is going to be superb. Here are some pics of where we are staying..

Ahh another working week! The Hen night went well, the Hen herself had a great time and it was altogether a good evening (despite the fact that the food didn't arrive till 10.45pm - when most of us had gone off the idea of eating!) not enough champagne really, but that was in reality only a good thing as I had to get back on the road at 9am to pick up my minis.. they had had a wonderful time being spoiled by Granny, and Kev ran a great half marathon at Reading, so sucess all round. Made a huge cottage pie for our supper and enjoyed some good Sauvignon before waving goodbye to another weekend.

Had felt car juddering for a few weeks now, it turns out that a front tyre was flat (oops) and so badly worn that when Kev went to inflate it yesterday it burst!! Cue much trauma around the changing of the tyre and me having to borrow tools from the lovely chaps at Bentley's garage in order for Kev to change the tyre! My poor little car limped in to their workshop finally yesterday afternoon and should be back with me at some point today, not looking forward to that bill..

I am still undecided as to my outfit for Saturday night... as the agenda includes cocktails I am feeling that flats would be the best option, but Saturday night out without heels just seems wrong!




I do currently have these on my lust list mind you.. maybe that is why I am hankering towards flats?

Tory Burch pumps - above.

It is now 4 days until my Best Buddy's Hen Night! Am really looking forward to celebrating with her and some of her other friends up in Worcester.. So yesterday I bought her photo album and her notebook from Paperchase and this afternoon I have been putting together all sorts of old photos of her from the past decade to present on Saturday night!

Planned outfit is still TBC.... Argh

The sun is shining! It has to be a good day.. finally it feels as though we are emerging from the darkness in to spring and I am loving it. Still, it is bloody cold out there so all hail for my lovely hubby who bought me a pair of Dubarry boots yesterday, love him! They had £100 off, which is a great saving, although I appreciate that they weren't cheap to start with..

It is Pancake day today and Teya has stipulated that she wants plain jam pancakes for supper, hubs wants lemon and sugar and I don't even like them! I do love whipping them up though, even though I only ever do it same time each year and therefore have to make a ton of batter mix owing to the fact that the first 5 or so are crap and even the dog won't eat them!

Still undecided as to what I am giving up for lent..

So the detox went well and I lost 5lbs! I promptly put on 2 and then lost 3 so I am still hovering around 5-6 lbs down in 2 weeks, not bad. Still got a way to go - and only 8 weeks till Florida!

Went for a run with super speedy husband this am before work which was excellent, if knackering! Feeling v virtuous :)

My HUGE magnetic notice board has arrived, whoop - Kev and Steve are due to put it up for me this afternoon - too excited, finally getting the stuff off the side of my fridge so that work on new kitchen cupboard can commence...

Cod for supper tonight, and Marchlands on the TV, excellent.

OK day 2 of Detox and all well so far - headache yesterday afternoon but I feel much better today! Not any less tired mind you..

Yesterday I ate;

1 x cup bouillion with jalapeno peppers
6 sticks celery
3 spoonfulls cottage cheese
salad consisting of lettuce, apraragus, cucumber and peas with low red wine vinegar dressing

Drank water and weak squash!

Not much hey! But that is the point, am actually looking forward to getting on the scales tomorrow and seeing some results, I want to eat some tasty food!!!

Mission get Foxy For Florida has started!

So, I am still carrying far too much 'spare' weight around for my liking, due to basically my lack of self control! I love my food and my wine and quite honestly any excuse for a get together or a party and it is apalling news for my waistline.. it is now time to get tough, my bessie Kaz is getting married in Florida on the 14th April and we are spending two weeks out there, wearing minimal clothing so quite frankly I need to do something about my sad sack of a body. OK, in clothes I don't look too bad but zoikes, I do not like my naked self one bit and enough is enough. I can't blame post baby bod either, I am lucky with my genes - nope, no one to blame but me! Good news is that I know I can do it, I have willpower of steel when I put my mind to it, the only thing that I will find v tough is giving up the wine, but the image of me in a bikini as I look now is enough motivation :)

Firstly - I need to start running again, I have blamed my lack of exercising on the weather but I am blatantly too lazy (well what would you rather do, strap on a sports bra and a pair of Nikes and head out in to the freezing January day or curl up on the sofa with Grazia magazine? Exactly) I also need to rein in my eating and drinking, Kev and I have started the year really well with our alcohol free days we have made some spectacular leaps off the wagon too.. Today marks day one of my detox, I am doing that for 3 days and am then going to follow a small portion diet plan, I CBA with no carb, endless salads, brown rice etc so I am just going to eat ballerina sized portions of normal food, drink gallons of water and see how I go. I have been on my thigh trainer too today and will go for a run tomorrow am as soon as I have dropped Zoom at nursery, just before I start work and I am aiming to get back to running 3 x per week and thigh training a further few.

Weekends I will be less strict with myself, hell I know I will fail if I set myself too strict a regime! I want 10 lbs off by end of Feb, and a total loss of 1.5 stone by the time April rocks around.

Wish me luck, so far I have had water water and water and I am feeling good.. long may it last..

My Black Wednesday

It all started in 1993, September, just as I started back at school for the new year. I was 14. My first stop on the way to my first day was the stables, my favourite sanctuary. As I rounded the corner and through the little wooden gate a dark flash shot across the field ahead - I looked closer and there she was - standing bolt upright and snorting wildly, the mad crazy bay Arab mare who would become the love of my life, my best friend, my soul mate and the one who knew everything there was to know about me. It was love at first sight, and I would like to think that the feeling was mutual, even if she was wicked to me on occasions! Dusty was unique, she was wild and crazy and no one else's choice of mount apart from mine. She was as fine as spun sugar and as strong as an Ox and she gave you a look as if to say, 'you just stay on your toes lady!' she was a stunning bright pale conker colour, with a shock of black mane and tail and she had the most amazing white markings, two symmetrical white back legs, flecks on her flanks and incredible white stripes across her tail, as if she had leant against a fence covered in flour! Her face was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, beautifully dished with a startling white blaze that ran right to her lip. She had a tiny whorl behind her ear which she very rarely let me touch, she HATED her ears being touched, in fact that was one of the ways that we could tell if she was feeling poorly, she let us touch her ears. Dusty was incredibly fast, she could gallop and would outrun everyone, always - she was bold and jumped like a little stag, although was often a little too excitable for me to actually do a clear round!

For the next 4 years I looked after her day in day out, we rode as often as possible both up and down the cumbrian fells and all around the the surrounding villages. We jumped (terrifying on occasions!) and we schooled, we galloped and we explored, we spent so much time together. Indeed she threw me and fell backwards on top of me the week before my A Levels - that was not so fun! It broke my heart when I found it near impossible to ride her when I was almost crippled with arthritis, but I had a go, and she looked after me then, it was as though she knew.

When I finally left school, the summer holidays and the prospect of not having my pony with me were too much, so Nellie (head of riding at my school) agreed to sell her to me for £700 - so I worked all summer at the Naafi and in the Officers' Mess and when I finally sent Nellie the cheque I was elated! A week later, clattering off the back of a lorry in not so much as a brushing boot for protection, my darling arrived at our new home, where I would be working as a working pupil for the next year. Quite how I managed to keep us both on my salary of £35 a week I will never know, but we had a fantastic time, we hunted for the first time, and I insisted on doing so in a snaffle as she wouldn't accept a stronger bit - much to the amusement of my colleagues - especially when my dog hating horse saw the hounds released for the first time, we nearly went in to orbit! Her stable was just over the corridor from my dorm, and we shared everything from crips sandwiches to easter eggs..

Then as we both got older we moved yards together, bringing Ladybird with us - my Mum's horse who became Dusty's equine soul mate. We then had a riot of mad hacking, jumping, photoshoots (Dusty was made famous in Good Housekeeping in 1998 I think it was!) lessons for my Mum, local shows - oh the disasters, even a lovely sharer for her, Sammy who helped me out when work got too much.

Dusty was such a brave horse, prone to colic which gave us great cause for concern on many occasion - and had a heart murmur which never seemed to bother her! She acted like a filly her whole life, and age would not weary her, not at all. No one ever believed me when I told them she was born in 1981, the year before my sister! She suffered her fair share of dramatic injuries too, she was attacked in the field and did severe damage to her leg in 2001, but I nursed her back, she even got horrendously kicked in October last year and fractured her leg - but we fixed her then too (although we then retired her from being ridden, much to her delight!) it was tough but she was a fighter.

On Wednesday 29th September 2010 I received a call from my Mum, it was 8.30 am and she wanted me to come down to the yard straight away to see Dusty, she said that she was having trouble walking. As I put down my phone, I knew, I had had a terrible dream two nights before and I felt the horror rising up inside me that my worst fear was coming true.

I got to the field within minutes and as I saw my beautiful girl trying to walk towards me the pain ripped through me like a knife. Her back end was failing, her legs weren't supporting her body and they were contorting horribly with every step she tried to take. I called the vet immediately. Dietrich was with us within half an hour. Dusty had spinal trauma, most likely a tumour and nothing was going to fix her this time, no open ended credit card, no medicine, nothing would. The feeling of helplessness was overwhelming, I sobbed and sobbed as I gave the consent to send my best friend to sleep for the last time. We had to sedate Ladybird to keep her calm whilst we said goodbye. So, I buried my face in her lovely wild mane and told her I was sorry, that I loved her so very much and that I had to say goodbye. Dusty fell peacefully to sleep at 11am, and with her, a piece of me died too.

It is the hardest thing now knowing she isn't here any more, that I wont see her face when I return to our field. Dusty was always there, she listened to all my dilemmas, my thoughts, my hopes, dreams and secrets - that horse took many secrets to her grave. She always listened, never judged and always gave such a lot back. She saw me grow up, fall in and out of love and back again, do my work, have my children (whom she wasn't always overly keen on!) and she even let Teya on her back on a couple of occasions, but never for very long!! Despite the fact that she was nearly 30, and I knew she wouldn't last forever, the shock is still severe.

So, goodnight Pony, thank you for the past 18 years of unconditional love, and for all the joy that you brought to me and my family. We will miss you everyday. I am so very grateful that you didn't have to suffer, that you had no long term illness that was causing you pain. I am glad that you were able to live your life to the full in your fab 8 acre field, right up until the end. Take care up there, I treasure each and every thought of you.

OK crikey this is a late one but Happy New Year all! This is a rubbish rubbish late update but oh my what a Christmas period we had... madly busy but wonderful, the house was full daily of love, fun and laughter and it was great to have everyone around all over the holidays. I was absolutely shattered by the time my sis and nephew left mind you and was very glad to be snowed in for a few days to catch up on some QT with the Spuddy and just chill out and make snowmen, feed the birds and venture round the corner to the pub with Janet and her kiddies! Fun times, the village is beautiful in the snow..

BUT.. day 10 of it means that I am feeling a little bored of not being able to venture out, so would like the big thaw now - just to keep me from housework and internet shopping whilst the Zed Head (my baby who now has 7 teeth!!!!) is sleeping...

What a few days!!! Wow - we have been so very busy on the house and all is - if I do say so myself - looking fabulous!! We have the curtains, bloody beautiful curtains, up in the lounge - and the room is transformed. It looks stunning and so homely now. I have bought a great new cofee table from ebay that I m ain the middle of painting the top of and will be doing the big mirroe and the other side table to match!

The gorgeous and hugely smiley Birley came over for lunch in the snow today - was a great afternoon. She is a very happy lady, has met a fab sounding chap whose name is Winston - yes, it is a huge temptation to shout WIINNNNSTAAANNNNN in a quasai Jamacian accent but hell, he sounds just perfect fpr her and I am beyond over the moon for her.. watch this space..

Only 3 more sleeps til Rigs and baby Droo arrive - oohhh cant wait! All is ready for their arrival and my wonderful husband has even booked us both in for a wash and blow dry at Toni and Guy at 12pm on Xmas eve so that we can look stunning for Xmas.. and he is not only paying but is also looking after the 3 kids! I am definately married to the most amazingly thoughtful man in the world. I love him with all that I am.....

My husband snores on the sofa opposite me - so I have been in my pink place - cherrrist that sounds rude :) but I am talking about an internet forum, nowhere else!!

I feel compelled to just type down a few feelings that I would like to express -because a lot of the lovey friends I have met have experienced a miscarriage, they have lost longed for babies and that is something that I just cannot imagine. I know of my own heartache, from simply trying for a baby for so long.. and yes, it may have taken us longer second time around that we would have imagined, but we didn't lose our longed for baby. I take my hat off to all the wonderful women that I 'know' who are so bloody brave and strong after losing their babies. Life can be so cruel yet they stand up to it square in the face and beat it, most of the wonderful women I know have gone on to expand their families, yet their lost ones are never forgotton. I salute you, and I celebrate the brief time your loved ones were here.

Thank you ladies for being an inspiration, all my lots of humbling love to you all xxx

OK I am not giving up alcohol again - 2 weeks ago I decided to stop the wine for a few days and on day 3 I got flu! Flu so bad that I was dripping with sweat and freezing for 4 days. I haven't felt so bad for 10 years, honestly it was awful. Anyway, since I have recovered I dare not go a day without wine, and I am fighting fit!

So, now I am back to myself, I have been flat out for xmas, my cards are written and posted, my presents are all bought and mostly wrapped, the trees are up, the house is decorated (ok yes thre is more work to be done but hell I am happy with what we have so far..) the menu is sorted, the food is ordered from M&S and the itinerary is sussed. I feel so chuffed, and am so looking forward to the festivities I am buzzing!! I will miss my beautiful black cat this year though, he always loves Christmas, the heat and the merriment and the abundance of laps to kip on. My darling Flik, we will miss you every second xx

So now my life is complete - my Sister called this evening to say that she and my darling Nephew will be coming home on December the 22nd til Jan 4th. Well, I cant deny but I just cried, cried and cried, I have never felt so happy or so lucky. This year I will make a huge Xmas dinner for my beautiful sister and her son, for my Mum and Dad, the inspiration for my life and also for my incredible mother in law, whom I am in awe of every day. I have never seen her shed a tear, not even when we arrived to see her husband's last moments, nothing. elizabeth is the most amazingly strong and proud woman and she is a rock. If ever a Mother could show her love by her son she has. I am very lucky. I love that woman as if she was my own flesh and blood, I guess we have so much in common and we love Kevin unconditionally make us pretty kindred..

I am the luckiest daughter in law, I love my mother in law to bits.
I just cannot wait to have my gorgeous family around my table on christmas day,Iwant to cook a fab meal for us all and the fact that we are all going to be together is worth more than I could ever express in words.

I know you have all been dying to know the results... JESS SURVIVED!! Phew, she had a stint in the washing machine and then in the freezer and is looking much better for the makeover. I am sure Teya's cough is improving already so, fingers crossed that this house will be a little less snotty from now on.

Bless Teya, she has lost 2 teeth this week and now looks extremely comedy and speaks with a lisp! Very very funny but I am gutted as have had to cancel the kid's photoshoot that I had planned for a couple of weeks time. I am sure she would not appreciate the pics in years to come. Oh god, the Christmas pictures aren't going to be as pretty as last years! Ah well, the big ones will grow soon enough, and then she will have whopping tombstones like mine no doubt..

Today something very terrifying is going to occur.. I am going to put Jess in the washing machine!!

Now Jess is my daughter's pride and joy - I would give up everything I have to keep that cat and quite honestly the thought of putting her on a 40 degree spin cycle fills me with dread. The trouble is it is high time I did because my lovely GP friend thinks Jess' general filthiness could have something to do with the fact that Teya's horrible persistent cough will not budge - and that makes total sense. The cat must be full of bugs YUK as she hasnt been washed in ahem some while..

So, just before I head out to meet my bosses to discuss my flexi hours request (for another post) I shall be putting her in a pillowcase and saying a small prayer for her safe return!!

Wish me luck.. I shall report back later..